Items:

This is a red shell. This  is a regular, run-of-the-mill tortoise shell that has been painted red. When thrown, it can aim for and attack the person in front of you, where it will also create a mini explosion that can throw the opponent a few meters above the ground. Is this really possible? How the hell does a red tortoise shell actually home into something?

The green shell is the exact same… but it can’t automatically aim itself toward the player in front of you. In fact, you should try hitting yourself with it. Or eat it. You might blow up. Who knows?

What’s up with the blue shell? Did it sprout the wings and horns, or did someone glue them there? So if I painted it blue, would it sprout wings and fly? Then, would it hone onto someone and explode with a huge radius and knock out everything in the vicinity? Like OGM! Can’t Nintendo make it more realistic? At least put non-walking bombs… (But that’s what makes it Mario Kart)

Forgot your daily dose of caffeine? Don’t worry! Eating the red psychedelic mushrooms will give you a better boost than any speed boost drug ever known, that is unless it’s made of gold and wears a crown.

Well… This post was a work in progress for 3 months or so… Wow it took a long time to write… It isn’t really a rant anymore, but whatever!